Man Humor

Okay, some of these are a little off-color, so if you are easily offended, don't read this post. They're not bad, just a bit racy for some! I laughed til I hurt myself!

Okay men, I'm sorry, but these are funny!

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX
(because they are plugged into a genius)
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2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
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3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
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4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
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(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
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5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
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7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know, it never happened)
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( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
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8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .' And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
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My Mother sent me these in an email! Hope you at least got a little giggle out of it, cause laughter really is the best medicine!

Two posts in One Day!

I don't usually blog twice a day but I just found some awesome blogs, and this post was so funny I just had to add it!

It's on Contrariwise ramblings blog. Go check out this blog! It's informative and funny! Here's the post I couldn't stop laughing at:

9 Amazingly Simple Home DIY Solutions

1. If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. presto! the blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. then you’ll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. if it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

I love anybody that can make me laugh! We all need to laugh when we can, cause things are not so funny right now!